I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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