matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
