he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
