I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
