That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
