Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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