I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
