At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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