I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
