Farmville is her only friend.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
