Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize