We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
