that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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