what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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