the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
