So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
