I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
