HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I love black thongs
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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