My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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