He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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