How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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