So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
