No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
