my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
