the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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