All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
