Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dicks are not precious.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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