my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
