Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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