he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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