One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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