i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize