I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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