He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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