Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize