it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
