I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
