Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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