The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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