I got chris browned last night
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize