It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
