it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
