i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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