only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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