She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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