yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
