I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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