take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
