4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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