So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
