It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
