i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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