Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
