now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
