I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
