I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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