When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
