Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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