In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Say something about gay babies.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
