If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
