Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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