Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
