It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
