took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Randomize
