I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
